I told him I have herpes and he left me - How to handle rejection
Telling a partner that you have herpes, may not be easy. Telling a potential sex partner about your herpes status can be a vulnerable moment, so Depasse suggested responding with compassion and educational resources. Most people are scare to disclose herpes to potential partners for the first time, but it's necessary.
shared tips on how to deal with rejection after disclosing your STI status. How to feel empowered in the face of rejection
How to deal with "I told him I have herpes and he left me"
Yes responses to rejection that can make herpes-positive people feel more empowered. Remember that you're empowering your potential partners to learn about herpes stigma and removing yourself from feelings of shame. We have created six templates "I told him I have herpes and he left me". You can use these tatics to communicate when you receive disempowering responses about disclosing herpes status from potential love interests.
Template 1: Say some words like the following
Depasse suggested saying something like, "Thanks for your honesty. You know, I get it. That used to be my response too, until I realize how little sex education programs taught us about herpes and STIs. Before you reject the next person who discloses, here are a few of my favorite resources to learn more."
Another way to present helpful resources could be to say, "rejections can be difficult, but they also allow me an opportunity to educate and share my favorite sex-positive resources. Here are a few of mine," Depasse wrote in her post.
Ask a potential sex partner to share their STI status
For example, if you ask a potential sex partner to share their STI status with you after sharing yours, and they say they don't know it, you can flip the script on them. Say something like, "Your last STI test was over a year ago? I get that we're still navigating the pandemic, but there are still accessible ways to get STI screenings. Thanks for letting me know because I only engage with partners who prioritize their sexual health.
Please aware getting tested is a very personal decision, and that DOES have to be on his timetable. People can be reluctant to find out for sure. Maybe he doesn't see a need to for him to be tested unless he first makes a decision. Still, its his business and only his, that's his reproductive health.
Template 3
You can also combine sassiness with education by saying, "Interesting, considering that the risk of you getting herpes from me is akin to the risk of impregnating me, but until I disclosed you seemed to really be trying to convince me not use barriers together...hm," according to Depasse.
"I told him I have herpes and he left me": Give your partner some time educates himself about herpes
You told him that you have herpes and he left you. Did you give him some time? Your partner need some time alone to process it. Mabye he sorts it out and doesn't react poorly. Maybe give him some time where you aren't calling and going to his house unannounced.
STD's are difficult to deal with, both emotionally and physically. But if you have a permanent herpes virus, then it will always be something you have to manage.
Unfortunately, you can't make anyone have sex with you, and while you deserve a good sex life, you can't make it be with him. The best thing to do is give him as MUCH time as he needs to process it and decide what HE wants when it comes to a relationship with you.
Do not call too many of the shots, try not let him to talk about it on your timetable, and in the way you want him to talk about it. But that won't help him make his decisions, he has to decide them on his own and with as much time as would be necessary for him to make them. Leave the space open for questions, but don't demand he ask them.
You could give him a disease that is incurable and will effect his sex life long after your relationship will be over. Future sex partners may judge him and pass him over because he decided to have sex with you. Give the guys some time and let him decide if the risk is worth taking.
"I told him I have herpes and he left me": Do not push for an immediate decision
Do not try to put words in his mouth basically saying that moving on in this relationship is not a priority. You need to understand that he is trying to decide it you are worth the huge risk he is taking if he decided to take things further. You could give him a disease that is incurable and will effect his sex life long after your relationship will be over.
If he wants to go slow in a relationship, then that's also his decision. Not only he has to decide if he wants to continue the relationship but you have to decide if you want to have a relationship with him if he needs to go slower than you like.
You told him you have herpes and he left you, there is nothing wrong with him NOT wanting to continue the relationship, or to go slow...its his right not to have a relationship with someone or to have one with someone and how fast to take it, and it doesn't make him a bad person if he decides not to. Do not be impatient, but the only way to have this work out at all, is to give him the space and time he needs.
If he continues to see you, its a good thing. This allows him more time to let his feelings for you grow, and in that case, would be more likely to enter into a more serious relationship with you. Going slow isn't a crime, or a bad thing. Give him some breathing room, slow down. You are going to have to find a way to live with herpes that will help you in relationship in the LONG term. People can't be pushed into relationships...if they could, we'd never have friendzones.
Do not be judged by others! Meet nearby people with herpes
PositiveSingles is one of the most popular dating websites for people suffering from herpes and other STD. It was initiated in 2001. With 1,510,800+ members you are sure to find lots of potentail people around you.
Join and meet nearby people with herpes, browse profiles and chat now!
Scared to disclose herpes- What does the conversation actually look like
What does the conversation actually look like? Telling your sexual partner that you have herpes will be different for everybody. From what they say to how new partners react, we will share some stories and examples.
I have herpes and I'm not scared to disclose herpes – neither should you. Thankfully, I've come a long way since then and now I am not scared to disclose herpes to potential partners, I just let people like me don't feel the debilitating shame I did.
Around the time of my herpes diagnosis, I was actually entering into a great season of my life. My career as an aesthetician was flourishing, I was very active in my church, and I was just overall in a positive space. Everything was thriving except my love life.
I instantly felt dirty, shame, worthlessness, espair, and worst of all – an overall sense of not wanting to live anymore. My dating life has been altered for sure.
My herpes status forced me to realise that in the past I had been seeking validation, acceptance, and love from men. It was a hard truth to sit with.
Early in my healing journey – when I would disclose my status to men I was dating – the reactions were all over the place. Some were visibly turned off and others acted as if it wasn't a problem at all.
It did not matter how many people accepted my herpes status if I had not accepted it myself. Once I prioritised my own healing, I understood that the stigma was a narrative I was creating for myself every day that I chose to think I was ‘less than' because I had herpes. That had to stop.
During my path to self-acceptance, I joined online herpes dating site and herpes support groups. Lots of them have their desire to help me. I gained more courage to disclose herpes to my partners. It is very helpful becase there so many more people by using such a large platform.
When I first contracted herpes, I was devastated and ashamed. I apologized and cried when I revealed I was HSV+ and my partners didn't respond with empathy — they responded with fear and said hateful things, which then pushed me further into self-loathing and shame.
With the help of herpes friend from herpes dating site like PositiveSingles, medical articles, and my therapist, I began to accept herpes as any other medical condition. Having herpes isn't my distinguishing quality, but it is something I live with that affects my physical health.I noticed telling my partners got easier as time wore on.
I share openly with potential partners well before we have sex. Sometimes, it makes them uncomfortable and they choose not to engage in sexual intimacy, and that's their choice. It's hard, but you have to learn that not everyone will be open enough to hearing your story, but that shouldn't deter you from being vulnerable and having a normal sex life.
The vast majority of my partners have been accepting and empathetic — we talk about my story, what having herpes means for my sex life, and I answer any questions they may have, and then, when we are both comfortable, we have sex!"
I typically tell new partners my status over text message. It's easier for me, and I feel that it gives them time to think and process without immediately having to face me.
The text typically reads something like, ‘Before we go any further, I do want to let you know I have genital herpes. It honestly very rarely affects me physically, and it has been ‘x months or years' since I had an outbreak.
The stigma is actually much worse than the virus itself. I do my best to be as safe and knowledgeable as possible, so if you have ANY questions at all, please don't hesitate to ask. I completely understand if this means you do not want to move forward with a sexual relationship at this time, but I do enjoy our time together and obviously trust you. Thank you for that trust and compassion.'
Sometimes, we move forward with a sexual relationship, sometimes not, but I've never gotten any immediate ghosting or, ‘Ew, you're disgusting,' which is what I always feared when I was first diagnosed. People appreciate honesty and the openness for dialogue, and if they don't, you obviously shouldn't be having sex with them anyway."
The first few times, I would be close to tears or in tears when I had to tell a new partner. I no longer act like that because I no longer feel dirty or ashamed, but I have been super surprised by how people react to disclosure.
In the beginning, I agonized over disclosing to both new and past partners — to the point I didn't want to date anyone because I was afraid they would be disgusted or mean to me because of herpes.
I haven't had anyone turn me down or tell me I am dirty or less-than, which, to be honest, is what I expected. I found that if I act like HSV-2 is nothing to be ashamed of, then they follow my lead.
ome people ask for time to do some research, so I provide them with good and trustworthy websites and pamphlets. I start off my disclosure conversation by telling the person that I like them, and I could see it becoming a sexual relationship, but before anything goes any further, we need to talk about our sexual health. This opens it up for more of a conversation than a tell-all.
I think how I approach disclosure is the reason I haven't had any really awful herpes rejection stories with it.
Do not be judged by others! Meet nearby people with herpes
PositiveSingles is one of the most popular dating websites for people suffering from herpes and other STD. It was initiated in 2001. With 1,510,800+ members you are sure to find lots of potentail people around you.
Join and meet nearby people with herpes, browse profiles and chat now!
Know more facts about herpes outbreak:
First herpes outbreak | Recurrent herpes outbreaks | Stages of a herpes outbreak | How long does a herpes outbreak last | How often do herpes outbreaks occur? | What can trigger herpes outbreaks? | How to recognize a herpes outbreak? | How to prevent herpes outbreaks | Viral shedding | Herpes treatment | How to strengthen your immune system